Saturday, September 5, 2009

Desperate Times

6:30am Olivia wakes up in her usual happy, chatty mood. I adore when she wakes up like this. Despite Frank being away most of the weekend visiting his sister in Indiana, I think that we can get through this day. This is the magic of the morning babble causing my mind to play tricks on me. Nevertheless, I am optimistic. The morning routine is as it always is; Liv eats while we watch the news. She stays upright the usual 30 minutes post-feeding. While she shows signs of being tired, I am delaying her nap in the hopes that she will sleep longer.

7:45am Olivia goes into the pack n' play which has been fitted with the playmat for easy access and cat-free fun. She happily chats and plays. I begin eating breakfast.

7:55am I haven't heard Olivia babble in a bit so I check on her. Her hands are in sleep position! I rush her upstairs and lay her in the crib. Close one.

8am Olivia falls asleep. I go about getting ready for the day. We can do this!

8:10am I decide to weigh myself before taking a shower... I have gained 1.5 pounds since my last weigh-in. Hmmm, two nights in a row of Chinese food (leftovers! I'm not a complete fatty!) may have contributed to this. I try to remain optimistic and plan for a future walk with the bambino.

8:33am Olivia wakes up. This is 15 - 30 minutes earlier than usual, but I'm mostly ready so I remain unphased. However, with 2 1/2 hours until the next feeding, we need something to do! Off to the mall we go. Shopping fixes everything, especially when we both need fall clothes. Well, I need fall clothes; Olivia just looks cute in fall clothes, and I have a 20% off coupon for Gymboree.

9:37am We arrive at the mall, which doesn't open until 10am. We do laps until Ann Taylor Loft opens up. Olivia is awake and happy, watching people and occassionally chatting. With 3 laps down before the store opens, I feel athletic and strong. This day will go well! She is so fantastic in the store while I shop and try on clothing that the sales woman comments on both her beauty and manner. I think that I am the world's luckiest mom. I also think that Liv's perfect behavior could lead to dangerous future shopping trips and potentially risky fiscal behavior. But for now, who cares?

11am We depart Ann Taylor Loft and head to Nordstrom's, which is reinforcing for both of us. Me because it's such a nice lounge to nurse in and Liv because, well, isn't it obvious?

11:37am Off to Gymboree we go. Olivia is being a peach, though it does not go unnoticed that she is getting a tad more vocal.

12:11pm We depart Gymboree after getting some great deals, including an outfit that Mom Mom will love. Other shoppers go ga ga over how cute the Livster is and her calm disposition, so I am having a blissful moment. Life is great. I'm going to win Mom of the Year. Today is going magnificently. I can do this without Frank!

12:15pm As I am putting Olivia in the car, it occurs to me that she hasn't slept since waking from her 30 minute nap at 8:30am... this is a bad sign.

12:20pm We drive off. I know that Olivia will be asleep in seconds. Even as I think this, I don't hear chatter or movement...

12:45pm We arrive at home. Olivia is indeed asleep but wakes when I shut the passenger side door. Fantastic.

12:50pm I take Liv out of her carseat and transition her to the crib. I do this because I am hoping, really hoping, that her silence may mean that she will fall back asleep upon hitting the mattress. I go downstairs and begin making my lunch.

12:55pm I hear screaming from upstairs.

12:56pm Olivia is once again in the pack n' play and happily playing with the toys. I go about finishing making lunch, which I hope to eat both sitting down and with two hands.

1:12pm I do not hear movement from the pack n' play. Upon checking, Olivia's hands are in the "sleep position." I rush her upstairs and lay her in the crib. I return downstairs where my lunch is waiting.

1:13pm Screaming once again. I know she is tired so I make the executive decision to wait this one out. I eat lunch with the soothing sounds of screeching in the background. I pour myself caffeinated soda, and then refill the glass upon its consumption. I begin to have negative thoughts about this day and my husband.

1:17pm Vito, who happened to be sleeping next to the baby monitor, has come downstairs and is now meowing at my feet. He does this whenever the baby cries for extensive periods of time. I'm pretty sure my neighbor will call Children's Services if I let this continue.

1:24pm I finish lunch and go upstairs to get the demon baby formerly known as Olivia.

1:25pm Olivia and I are laying on the bed. I sing her lullabyes in the hopes that she will start to fall asleep enough to be laid back in the crib. Unfortunately my brain is fried and the first song that comes to mind is "This Old Man..." I have difficulty remembering what rhymes with "nine" and almost say "fine" before "spine" comes to me. Thank goodness because "He played knick knack on my fine" is weird. Olivia is rubbing her eyes and yawning. I'm so close to peace, I can feel it!

1:41pm I put Olivia back in her crib. She is wailing but I swear that I will let it go. I turn the volume on the monitor down and set my telephone alarm for 2:30pm [when I need to pump] just in case I doze off.

1:52pm Quiet. God has intervened.

1:55pm I doze off.

2:00pm I awake and check on the baby. Still sleeping. It worked. It really worked. I'm awesome. I should totally have a reality show about how to be an amazing mom.

2:05pm Like shots in West Philadelphia, Olivia's cries ring out. I am strong and stay in bed... or just too tired to move.

2:07pm I curse Frank, who I now think has abandoned us. Expletives run through my mind.

2:12pm Quiet again with some whimpers. Perhaps the tide is turning?

2:14pm The glorious sound of silence. I lay on the bed praying as hard as I can that this will last.

2:17pm I check on Olivia, who is sleeping. This is great, but I am now completely and utterly awake.

2:20pm I admire the purchases from Gymboree bought with a 20% off coupon found in Parents mag before heading downstairs. I tell myself that my over-tired child will surely sleep the afternoon away.

2:41pm I begin pumping according to new fall work schedule. Nothing is on TV so I put on The Rachel Zoe Project. I hate the Saturday afternoon TV line-up.

2:42pm Wailing from upstairs pierces the atmosphere. I pray that it will stop and Liv will go back to sleep so I can finish pumping.

2:47pm No such luck. I stop pumping and go get the baby in case my neighbor really has called DHS. While upstairs, I can swear I hear knocking...

2:53pm We sit down to watch The Rachel Zoe Project... Olivia is propped next to me in her boppy; I no longer care about Liv watching TV (although I am having guilt about it being The Rachel Zoe Project). I begin pumping again and say another silent prayer that I can get through the next 13 minutes tear-free [from either of us].

3:06pm Liv is fussy and hungry, additionally she has slid down a bit and looks a tad uncomfortable. I think that I am completely out of the running for "Mother of the Year." Regardless, I finish pumping, pick up Liv, and go warm the bottle pre-assigned for the hour. I think I see a glimmer in her eye when she sees the bottle -- at the very least, a slight grin.

3:17pm I start feeding Olivia while watching The Rachel Zoe Project. They use fancy, couture language like "bananas" and "gorg" [for gorgeous] and shorten their names to RaZoe and Tay [Taylor]. She talks about being in a recession but does so while eating "one of everything on the menu" for breakfast in her hotel room. She is in a hotel because she has traveled to NYC for Fashion Week. Her husband says they must go shopping without buying -- whatever will she do?! At this point, I have zero hands free to change the channel. I believe this is God getting revenge on me for allowing Olivia to cry for so long.

3:30pm The Notre Dame game that Frank is attending begins. They are playing Nevada. I know this only because I looked it up. In my head I am planning a spa day... minus Olivia... which Frank will be paying for. I then feel guilt for looking forward to a day without my beloved (Olivia, not Frank). I give her a kiss to make myself feel better.

3:53pm The Rachel Zoe Project is almost over... I think I'm dumber for having watched it. Liv has been upright for the requisite 30 minutes and can now lay down. I don't have the energy so I watch the rest of the stupid show, wanting to slit my wrists when the cliff-hanger ending is a question of whether or not she will dress Anne Hathaway in the Armani Prive dress... this is a real TV show?

4:04pm We play Super Liv, which entails me flying Liv through the air while singing the Wonderpets theme song using "Super Liv" instead of "Wonderpets." She loves it. I am secretly dismayed and embarrassed that my child knows the Wonderpets theme song... I blame Frank for watching it with her during the days of 9pm bedtimes. I also blame Frank for my having to deal with this solo. I then feel guilty that I'm blaming Frank and play Super Liv longer to feel better.

4:10pm I put her in the pack n' play/play mat while I put away the pumped milk and the old bottle. She is happily chatting. As in not tired happily chatting.

4:36pm I hear a yawn and immediately take Liv upstairs to change her diaper and try the nap thing again.

4:40pm After changing a poopie diaper, I lay Liv in crib and hope for the best.

4:43 Chatter and babble. Babble and chatter. Will this never end???

4:50pm Quiet... do I dare?

4:51pm Whimpering. Crap.

4:53pm Silence -- all may be right with the world.

5:08pm I go upstairs to check on Liv. With trepidation that only other mothers know, I step in only creak-free places and turn the knob so slowly that no noise is emitted. Stealth. Even the cats are impressed. Well, they would be if they knew what that meant. Either way, SUCCESS! She is asleep for the moment.

5:12pm I contemplate doing the dishes but decide to go online instead.

5:36pm Happy babble fills the upstairs hallway. We may need to go to Starbucks.

5:40pm I am changing into a t-shirt because the cute top that I wore to the mall doesn't match the house/running shorts that I changed into when I came home. The combination of the t-shirt and shorts is not entirely flattering to my figure, so amongst other tactics, I try stretching out the shirt. Olivia thinks this is funny and smiles. As I do this repeatedly in an emphatic manner, I think You won't be laughing when you have to do the same thing one day. This causes guilt so I give Livie tickles and blow raspberries on her in an effort to feel better.

5:50pm We are walking to Starbucks. I am sucking in my tummy so that the shirt doesn't look so bad and dreaming of the Grande Non-Fat No Water Chai with One Pump Mocha.

6:23pm We are home. I'm renewed from the tea. Olivia goes to bed at 7pm. I prepare her bath in the hopes that this will make the time go faster. It works.

6:45pm Bath over. 15 minutes until bedtime!

6:53pm Final feeding. 30 more minutes of being upright and then this wretched day is over!

7:14pm I get a text from Frank: Everything ok? My response: Ok enuf.

7:24pm We call Daddy to sing the Good Night Song over the phone.

7:33pm Asleep. No fuss. Not even any chatter. All is once again right with the world.

7:40pm I am cutting the tags off the Gymboree clothing and patting myself on the back for one of the outfits costing a mere $7.20. Now that's bananas, eh, RaZoe?

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